Technology-facilitated abuse

Technology-facilitated abuse is when a partner, ex-partner, family member or someone else close to you uses technology to monitor, threaten, isolate or control you. It’s very common in family violence. It can look like constant checking of your messages, a partner who knows where you’ve been without being told, accounts changed without your consent, or threats to share images.

It is not your fault, and it is not “just” a tech problem. Treat it as part of a safety problem, because how and when you make changes can affect how the other person reacts.

Looking for help safely

• Use a device the other person has never had access to, such as a trusted friend’s phone, a work computer you control, or a library computer.
• Private browsing only stops your browser keeping history. Monitoring software on the device can still see what you do.
• If you use your own device, consider what’s normal for you. Suddenly clearing all browsing history can draw attention. Removing just the specific pages can be less noticeable.
• The “Leave this site quickly” button on our safety pages takes you to the MetService website and stops the Back button returning here. It doesn’t remove the visit from your history.

Make a plan before you change anything

When someone loses access they’re used to, they may notice straight away. Removing a tracker, changing a password or turning off location sharing can tell them you know. For some people that leads to escalation.

You can still act. Decide what to change, in what order and when, ideally with a family violence advocate who knows your situation. Women’s Refuge and Shine both help with technology safety as part of safety planning. Our digital safety plan worksheet gives you a structure to work through, with them or on your own.

Before you change anything, record what you’ve found. Take photos or screenshots of trackers, unfamiliar apps, account changes and messages. This evidence can support a protection order or a Police complaint.

How monitoring usually happens

Most technology abuse uses access the other person already had, or that was set up while things were fine.

Passwords and PINs they know or can guess. Including your phone unlock code, and the answers to security questions they’d know (your first pet, your mother’s maiden name).

Shared accounts and family plans. A shared Apple or Google account, family sharing, a phone plan in their name, shared streaming or cloud storage. Account owners can often see devices, locations, purchases or backups.

Location sharing. Find My, Google Maps location sharing, family safety apps, fitness apps and some car apps. These are often set up once and forgotten.

Cloud backups and photo sharing. If someone can log into the cloud account your phone backs up to, they may see your photos, messages and notes without ever touching your phone.

Trackers. Small Bluetooth trackers hidden in a bag, car or child’s belongings. iPhones alert you when an unknown AirTag is travelling with you, and Android phones can scan for unknown trackers in safety settings. Alerts don’t catch every tracker type.

Connected cars and smart home devices. Car apps can show location and trips. Cameras, doorbells, speakers and smart locks can be controlled by whoever holds the account.

Monitoring apps (often called stalkerware). These are installed with physical access to an unlocked phone. They’re less common than the routes above, and the signs (battery drain, a hot phone, odd data use) are unreliable. If you suspect one, talk to an advocate about whether and when to replace the phone.

Children’s devices. A child’s phone or tablet set up by the other parent can share location or be used to send messages.

Checking your phone

iPhone: Settings > Privacy & Security > Safety Check. It shows who you share location and data with and lets you stop sharing, check which devices are signed in to your Apple account, and review app permissions. Apple’s Personal Safety User Guide covers each setting. “Emergency Reset” stops all sharing at once, which the other person may notice. “Manage Sharing & Access” lets you review one item at a time.

Android: Open your Google account’s security checkup to see signed-in devices and third-party access. Check location sharing in Google Maps, and look in Settings for unknown tracker alerts. Menus differ between phone makers.

On any phone, look for:

• devices signed in to your accounts that you don’t recognise
• recovery phone numbers or emails that aren’t yours
• apps you didn’t install, especially ones with device administrator or accessibility access
• email forwarding rules you didn’t create

If you’ve left, or are leaving

• Get a phone and accounts they’ve never touched. If you suspect monitoring software, set the new phone up as new rather than restoring from a backup they could access.
• Change recovery details on every important account to ones only you control.
• Move your phone number into your own name if it’s on their plan, or get a new number.
• Review banking: joint accounts, shared cards, and who can see your transactions.
• Ask Police and your lawyer whether technology-based behaviour should be included in a protection order application. Under the Family Violence Act 2018, psychological abuse can include monitoring and intimidation.

Reduce what’s public

If the other person might try to find a new address, reduce what’s on public registers before you move, or soon after:

• Apply for the unpublished electoral roll.
• Ask your council to withhold your name from the rates database.
• If you’re a company director, apply for an alternative address on the Companies Register from 18 November 2026.
• Ask friends and family not to post photos that show where you live or your routines.

The personal exposure audit walks through each of these.